Numb
by dipdipdipmyblueship
Summary: Has anyone else wondered when Carla became so numb? Well so has she...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Originally supposed to be a oneshot, but as per usual I just had to go and make it more complicated! So it will now be a four chapter short story. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own the characters or the song lyrics...they are the property of ITV and Linkin Park respectively. **

**I do however own this story.**

**Reviews and comments are greatly appreciated :)**

**Story begins after the July 11th 2012 episode.  
**

_**Has anyone else wondered when Carla became so numb? Well so has she...**_

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"I'm sorry, baby, it's-" she straightened up, closing her eyes and sighing, wiping her fingers across her browline, "this is over. I can't-" she couldn't even finish her sentence, the tears threatening to fall as she made to leave the flat. She felt his hand gently grasp her arm, and she halted her exit.

"No love, don't" he said softly, his eyes pleading as he looked up to her, and she exhaled the breath she was holding. She looked down into his gentle eyes…the eyes that used to look upon her so lovingly, and she felt her heart flutter in her chest; hoping he would say the words she longed to hear…

"-don't be daft," he drunkenly pleaded with her as he gave her arm gentle shake, "come sit down; have a drink with me."

She felt her heart sink into the deepest recesses of her soul as she gazed down at him; even now, as she ended their relationship, he wasn't willing to fight for them…for _her_; instead wanting simply to ignore what just occurred and continue drowning his sorrows in the bottle of voddy he would surely polish off himself. She was nothing more than a drinking buddy to him in that moment; an unfeeling vessel, only there to listen to his problems as he ranted and vented. Her heart shattered into a million pieces as she removed her arm from his grasp and left the flat wondering if, perhaps, that's all she ever was to him.

_**I'm tired of being what you want me to be…**_

She stepped onto the sidewalk outside, glancing up curiously to the flat above the bookie's; again hoping, in some futile way, that she would see him fling open the window and call to her, begging her to come back upstairs. She waited a few moments longer before garnering what little strength she had left in her to take the first step back to her own flat for the second time that day.

Her heels clicked along the pavement, as she slowly made her way back to the place that garnered so many bad memories for her, Peter's words ringing in her mind.

'_Oh how would I expect you to understand anything?'_ he had snarled at her.

She didn't understand it herself; she didn't understand how she continued to let those that claimed to love her treat her so callously.

She felt the tears sting the corners of her eyes as she turned onto another street; her olive orbs staring blankly ahead of her.

What she did know, was that she had simply felt numb for years…


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: This chapter should give you an idea of how I intend to proceed with this fic... **_

_**Comments are greatly appreciated**_

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**_I'm tired of being what you want me to be; feeling so faithless, lost under the surface..._  
**

"_So this thing with Liam-" he began after downing a shot of whiskey_

_She scoffed, "love of my life."_

"_Yeah right," he said sarcastically, though she was sure he was simply trying to convince himself, "the odd kiss, secret encounters…you didn't love him; you loved the subterfuge."_

"_Oh and what brilliant subterfuge it was," she taunted him knowing she was getting closer to the truth, "hey we even had subterfuge in my wedding dress, at my dress fitting…it were great." She stepped towards him, "It were a million times better than it's ever been with you." He angrily spun around to face her, and she felt fear course through her but she knew she had him where she wanted him; "in fact," she pressed on as he scowled at her and slammed the glass down on the table, "when I do it with you I have to pretend it's him-" he stepped towards her angrily and she finally recoiled in fear but asked the pressing question, "was this how angry my Liam made you?"_

"_Your Liam?" he sneered._

"_Yes, he were mine." she found her confidence coming back, suddenly furious at him as she screamed, "you know what I'm sick of not being able to say it!"_

"_Oh shut up, will you just shut up! Cause you are making me sick." he ground out as he stepped ever closer to her watching the fear overtake her features at his rage, "I'm sick of him!" he suddenly shouted into her face, his own contorting in fury "I'm sick of thinking about him. I'm sick of everything to do with him. I thought about him 24/7 when he was alive, and even now he's gone, he's everywhere!" he exploded as he walked out of the office, leaving her shaking in his wake. _

…_**Don't know what you're expecting of me, put under the pressure of walking in your shoes…**_

"…_You have been asking questions." His Scottish accent dripped with accusation._

"_Ahhh! Well you see I've got an inquisitive nature. If I had gone to high school in the states it would 'ave said that in my yearbook, 'girl most likely to ask questions'." She said her voice quivering a little as she tried to put on her strong act. _

"_I'm your husband." He said and she could feel the anger behind his words. _

"_Apparently so." She quipped; He wasn't the man she thought she knew._

"_So if you have anything, you want to know, come to me." He stated. The atmosphere in the factory had changed drastically; it now had a rather dangerous feel to it._

"_Well I will don't you worry." She said in an attempt to end the conversation. _

"_So come to me." He repeated and she felt a shudder flow through her body. Fear._

_He noticed it and moved slowly towards her, anger and frustration fueling his steps, "Why do I sense that you're scared? Why would you be scared of me?"_

"_I'm not." She didn't even convince herself with that one._

_He cocked his head to the side "I think you are." He said before darting his tongue across his top lip. _

_She nodded slowly, her eyes blinking as she tried to compose herself, "Now why would that be?"_

_He threw his arms up in frustration glancing around the factory for dramatic effect, "Another question!" he spat "at least this time you've asked me!"_

"_Maybe I've got a million different questions I wanna ask you." She clucked, her confidence coming back, but the look in his eyes frightened her. They darkened as they stared at her, realizing she knew…_

…_**every step that I take is another mistake to you…**_

_He cupped her chin gently, his fingers stroking her cheek in spite of himself, while the barrel of the gun he held was pressed against the side of her mouth. "Why did you do it?" he asked her, his voice laced with betrayal. _

_**I've become so numb…**_

_She sobbed into his hand, "I don't know." She answered truthfully, "Maybe something's not right in me head; something's not wired up right…I don't know!" She felt his eyes as they bore into her, a mixture of love, lust, anger, and hate. "Maybe you and me are more alike then I want to admit." she tried._

_**I can't feel you there…**_

"_Look at what we've done, look at the lives we've wrecked, we don't deserve to live." He explained as if trying to convince her,_

"_Why not, why can't we just-both get out of here eh? Hey we can go somewhere just me and you eh?"_

"_We're going to be together forever." He stated almost happily. He was too far gone, but she tried one last attempt at reasoning with him._

"_What if we had a baby, hey? I saw you looking at those pictures of Maria's. What if you had one of your own would it give you something to fight for?" she could see him contemplating it, "Something to live for eh Tony?" _

…_**Become so tired, so much more aware…**_

_He considered it for a long moment, before shaking it from his thoughts; no, his mind was made up, "No babies." He released his grip on her and placed the gun on the ground, kicking it away from them_

"_It's time." He stated methodically, and she watched in horror as he pulled the lighter from his pocket, letting out a small gasp as he ignited the flame before her eyes. _

"_Don't I get a last request?" she begged, as she tried desperately to break the ropes that bound her._

_**I'm becoming this…**_

"_It's just I need to know Tony," she pleaded with him, "'cause every time I look at you I'm wondering…" she leaned her head onto his shoulder, trying desperately to reach him, and yet terrified of what he might say, "and I really need to move on from that cause it's killing me Tony not knowing; you're killing me." Her voice cracked._

_He turned to face her and she could see into his troubled eyes, so loving and so betrayed, "I wouldn't harm a hair on your head." He stated genuinely, grasping her hand in his. She kept pressing him, asking if all the concern for Liam and Maria, and the tears he shed at the gravesite were just lies. He wouldn't respond, just stroked her hand as it rested on his chin. _

"…_Come on it's me, it's Carla!" she tried desperately, "why did you need to lie?"_

"_Sorry." He breathed out remorsefully._

"_I know you are darlin'." She soothed, her heart flipping at the idea that she was getting close._

"_I can't lie anymore," he continued, pursing his lips and shaking his head._

"_Tony?" he looked in her eyes as she whispered to him, and he could feel the terror radiating from her._

"_I killed him." he confessed, and he watched her eyes widen in fear, "I had him killed..." though he could see she was shaking, he continued, "but I did it for you." _

…_**all I want to do…**_

"_It's time to say goodnight," he stated as she sobbed behind him. He fell to his knees in front of her. _

"_No!" she sobbed, her voice hoarse with fear, her eyes fixated on his back_

"_It's over!" he threw the lighter onto the puddles of petrol. She screamed as the factory floor ignited into flames._

…_**is be more like me and be less like you…**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Thank you for the feedback so far on this, both here and on twitter. I refused to watch today's episode of Corrie until I completed this chapter; but I have a feeling I'll have more material for the final installment of this fic. **_

_**As always reviews and comments are greatly appreciated. :)**_

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_**Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control…**_

"And there's plenty of room for a travel cot…" Anne hinted, as Carla raised the wine glass, taking another sip of its blood red liquid

"Oh here she goes…" Sam muttered as Carla looked at him curiously over the rim of her glass, becoming suddenly uncomfortable at just what Anne _wanted_ to occupy that travel cot.

"Well," Frank stated in a low voice with his trademark smirk, "be careful what you wish for," before taking a sip of his water.

"Oh Frank!" his mother exclaimed happily, reaching across the table and grasping his hand in hers, "I knew it was all moving quickly."

Carla simply looked between Frank and his parents; unable to move, and unsure of what to say; her stomach churning apprehensively.

"Calm down," Frank spoke up, "there's no announcement-" Carla breathed a sigh of relief before he added a "-yet." She felt uneasy as he explained to his parents that they were simply not ruling out having any children.

'_not ruling it out?'_ she thought to herself, _'we never even broached the subject.'_ She began to shift uncomfortably in her seat, her clothes suddenly feeling restrictive, and the walls of the Bistro seeming to close in on her.

"Why did you put me on the spot like that?" she hissed to him sometime later after pouring herself another glass of wine.

"What is _wrong_ with being excited about the future?" He asked seemingly unaffected by her obvious discomfort.

'_unaffected, or just simply uncaring…_' her conscience voiced itself mentally as she raised a hand in frustration before allowing it to fall back on her leg, muttering under her breath in response to his answer.

"Come on you two," Anne chirped in as she waltzed in on their conversation, "no lover's tiffs tonight."

'_Great,'_ Carla thought to herself, rolling her eyes, _'just what this world needs: __**another**__ Helen Connor.'_

"Oh, please don't talk to us like we're toddlers." Carla snidely stated, the wine thoroughly clouding her better judgment.

'_Well…so much for having in-laws that like you,'_ she thought to herself, _'Nice one Car…'_

Anne turned to her son, choosing to ignore the comment and gesturing to the bar, "Your father is picking up on the atmosphere-" she began as Carla and Frank turned to look at Sam

"No your father is picking up on the free booze and the fit bar staff." Carla interjected with a chuckle.

'_God, Carla shut up, shut up, shut up-'_ she berated herself mentally.

"Carla-" Frank warned her, _'was that threateningly?'_ she wondered, but didn't have a chance to call him on it as her mouth started forming words she had yet had time to process,

"What, I'm sorry," sarcasm dripping from each word as she held up her hands in mock surrender, "is _nanny _going to put me on the naughty step?" She couldn't help but chuckle at that one in her drunken haze

'_haha naughty step…nice one…'_ she congratulated herself.

Anne took a step back, and mockingly held up her hands, "oh that's fiiiine," she sang disdainfully

'_Oh no she didn't…'_ Her conscience now also getting on the defensive

"Listen a word of advice for you," Carla began almost angrily, "You've only known me for two minutes, so please don't tell me how to run my life."

'_Wait,'_ her mind raced, _'was that comment directed towards Anne, or her son?' _She barely had time to register that thought, before Frank pinned her with a smoldering and disapproving stare.

"We're family now," Anne stated also fixing her with a steely glare, "you should think about that."

Her conscience mentally threw up its hands,_ 'Alright Carla, let's go out with a bang here…_' her mind encouraged her, laying down all previous attempts of restrain

Carla fixed the woman with a hard glare of her own and pushed herself to her feet, "I don't _do_ family-" she began before feeling Frank rise next to her,

"Yeah but I do!" he gritted out, roughly grabbing her wrist and dragging her around the table, as she struggled to pull free from his grasp.

"Hey, hey…" she hissed before giving one sharp tug and freeing her arm from the fingers that dug into her skin like knives, "ow!" she grunted at him in frustration, though internally she was recoiling in fear; the way he looked at her, the way he put his hands on her so roughly, had now set her defensives into overdrive. Something wasn't right…

"You're drunk." He snapped at her and she felt her sarcastic nature returning

"Yeah, but in the morning I'll be sober and she'll still be a nosy old bag." She said quietly, almost jokingly as she pointed over her shoulder, trying to deflect his anger but failing miserably.

He pinned her with another gaze, before haughtily stating, "I can see why Peter chose Leanne," she was visibly hurt and taken aback by his berating comment, but he continued to patronize her, "he's seen you like this hasn't he?" His eyes trailed up and down her body. While the look was attempting to be tinged with disgust, it was instead one of lust and, _'was that possessiveness?'_ she thought fearfully.

She had to put space between them **now**.

She let out a snarl of contempt and attempted to walk away when he halted her movement, "Hey, HEY!" he ground out as he roughly grabbed her arm and pulled her back into him, "We've got guests," he said as if he were scolding a naughty child, but she trembled under his grasp, suddenly very frightened of him. She pushed her fear down, refusing to let any man push her around; especially some suit with control issues.

"I am going to get some air," she ground out, leaning closer to him and shrugging off his hold on her, "is that allowed?" She paused at the door, turning on her heel and heading back to the table to grab her purse and coat.

'_**Cause everything that you thought I would be, has fallen apart, right in front of you…**_

"If I scrunch up my eyes just a little bit, I can see around the corner into the future and oh look," Frank stated happily, his eyes closed in utter happiness, and Carla felt a wave of guilt course through her, "there's me, and I am with the most beautiful, sexy, wonderful woman I have ever met; and we're here, the curtains are drawn and we're shutting out the world with a glass of champagne. The kids' asleep upstairs." He smiled to himself as he caressed her shoulder; he had everything planned perfectly.

Carla tried to offset her jitters, passing it off as cold feet, and she tried to lighten the mood, "This beautiful, wonderful, sexy woman," she raised her eyebrows curiously as his thumb caressed the exposed skin of her arm, "does she know about me?"

He sighed almost deflated, "some people can't take a compliment," and he edged her closer to him.

She let out a chuckle, "oh trust me, I'm flattered." And she was. This man was totally in love with her; wanted to have a family with her; be with her for the rest of his life, "Alright then while your scrunching up your eyes, can you see a stick or two of furniture?" she asked humorously as she looked about the empty show home.

Frank laughed and leaned his head against hers, "Carla," he whispered huskily, "I am so in love with you; I didn't think I could ever feel like this."

There was that horrible flutter in her stomach again; this wasn't just cold feet…she just couldn't bring herself to feel the same way.

She rubbed her lips together apprehensively, as he spoke again, "hey," he reached around her and plucked her champagne glass off the counter, placing it delicately in her hand, "here is to the future – no- here is to our future." He clinked her glass and smiled to himself, as she drank from the flute.

If he knew she had her doubts…he didn't seem to be worried.

_**Every step that I take is another mistake to you…**_

"It's just wedding nerves," he stated trying to stay in control of the situation, "last-minute panic, you'll be fine," he reached for her tentatively trying to reassure her, "when you get to the church." She pulled her fingers from his grasp.

"I won't be at the church Frank." She explained, "I meant what I said, I can't marry you."

"Why?" he pleaded with her.

"'Cause," she looked up to the ceiling as the tears began to fall, she had to be honest with him, "I just don't love you. I'm sorry."

His demeanour changed as he tried to regain control again, "I don't understand this," he dropped his hands onto his thighs for dramatic effect, "not once," he said as he walked to the stairs, before turning around to face her again, "not once have you said you were having any doubts."

"I was trying to ignore them, I just- " she pleaded with him to understand, "I wanted with all of my heart to make this work, I really did, but I can't-"

"I can't believe you waited until now; everything's organized, the invites and the reception is booked," she looked down as he continued to dish out the guilt upon her, though she knew in her heart she deserved nothing less, "my parents," his voice became angry and she recoiled a little in fear as his temper began to surface again, "are on their way; are you trying to humiliate me?"

"Of course I'm not! I hate doing this to you, I know you don't deserve it-"

"Damn right I don't deserve it…."

_**And every second I waste…**_

"…_And you," he breathed out almost painfully, "you were using me,"_

"_No I wasn't-" she tried to reason with him, but he was beyond reasoning now,_

"_Using me to make your boyfriend jealous…a smokescreen: for your sordid little affair…"_

"_No it's not true," she pleaded with him_

"_And now you think you can just chuck me away? Job done?" he thrust his arm out angrily in front of him, his eyes glaring with rage; boring into her…just like the night at the Bistro…_

_"Okay! I want you to go now!"_ _She went to open the door but Frank reached over her shoulder and furiously slammed the door shut and forcefully turned her around to face him, slamming her body back into the closed door; his body pressing against hers angrily. _

…_**is more than I can take…**_

"_it's your fault," he whispered as he stood towering over her shaken, bruised and battered body, "you made me do it."_

_**I've become so numb…**_


End file.
